Monday, September 5, 2011


I haven't been myself lately. I don't know what's going on, but I've been in a funk. A big one. I've tried to keep up a good front and not let it interfere with Caroline or my work. My patience has been running low and my temper flares up so quickly sometimes. This isn't a good combo to have with a teething, potty-training 21 month old. I do my very best to stay calm, but I've yelled at Caroline and spanked her leg when I've reached my limits. And I really, really feel bad when I do. I've found there's a fine line between teaching and discipline. I'm trying to work on teaching Caroline not to hit, and then I spank her (don't call the authorities on me--it only happens every now and then). I know I've got a double standard thing going on, and I'm trying my best not to. We also do time outs. She sits/lays on the time out mat and will pretty much stay there for the 1 minute timer, but I know she doesn't really understand it. Especially when she laughs or plays while she's there; I tell myself that I'm laying the foundation for when she's older and does understand.

Another issue I've been dealing with is my relationship with God. I grew up going to church. In high school, I was there just about every time the doors were open--Sunday school, choir/drama practice, youth meetings on Wednesdays, and Centrifuge and mission trips during the summer. Then I went to college...I visited churches a couple of times in Columbus but never really gave them a chance because they weren't "my church". Plus, I still went home frequently on the weekends and went with my mom then. John and I have gone through phases where we go for awhile and then we're out of town or company comes or we're lazy that morning, and the next thing I know, it's been months since we've been. I miss having a core group of Christians around me. I had such a great group while I was in high school and college but not so much anymore. Don't get me wrong, I have friends here in Jacksonville that are very involved in church but we don't live near them or go to church with them. I really want to find a church home; it's really important to me that Caroline grow up going to church and developing her relationship with God. We've gone to a church off and on for the past couple of years, and the sermons have really spoken to me the past couple of weeks (I skipped yesterday--I'm not ready to sit in church all by myself yet when John is out of town). But I feel like I need more than just sitting in a worship service once a week. I need to join a Sunday school class and be around other believers. I think this might be part of what's wrong with me.

Sorry for the heavy post. I hope everyone has enjoyed their Labor Day weekend. Check back tomorrow for new pictures and Caroline's month-day post!



You are not alone! Reese is 3 and I go through the same stuff with her, minus the potty training, but the discipline, spanking, losing patience, etc.
I've also been struggling with church, where I belong, where to go, wanting Reese to grow up in it just like me. We are slowly getting involved in a new church and I'm beginning to feel better.
It will happen, keep praying and don't give up! I'll keep you in my prayers! :)

Owen and Erin

You are definitely not alone...especially with wanting to find that church niche like we had growing up. The fact that you want it will help make the doors open up for you, John and Caroline. She will also find her own niche with youth groups so encouraging those will help. I have to tell myself over and over that the life I have imagined in my head does not happen over takes years of practice :) Love you!!!


I am so going through the same thing as far as patience with toddlers.... I was just thinking what a struggle it was last week! There is not enough wine in the world to help me keep my cool ALL DAY LONG... I try but I fail every day : (


Oh wow... I feel like I could have written this entire post it resonates so much with where I am right now. I think the best remedy is just knowing that you are not alone. I am my own worst enemy and most harsh critic, especially when it comes to parenting. We all have our less than savory breakdowns sometimes, but at the end of the day, you just have to realize that there is no precedent in your life for mommyhood... no one can tell you how up do it... and for me, just when I think I have figured out something, they move into a new phase and I'm back at square one. But I know this... my boys know I am just crazy about them :)

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